In June 2017 I was invited to give an interview with Paris Match magazine. Below, exclusively here, is the unexpurgated English transcript of the interview
The published French version is available online here as "Lord Buckethead: un candidat venu de loin"
How would you introduce yourself to the French public?
I would say "Greetings, France. I am Lord Buckethead, the intergalactic space lord you can rely on."
Who are the politicians who have inspired you?
I have always been a fan of Lord Jug-Face, who successfully put down a Gremloid insurrection on Sigma VI with a minimum of fuss and a great deal of diplomatic skill. He discovered that Gremloids are very partial to a foodstuff similar to waffles, and brought the conflict to an end by becoming the galaxy's leading producer of cooked dough products. As for your planet I appreciate the usual humans: Winston Churchill, Barack Obama, and also Mrs Theresa May of course. She inspired my recent election battle, which is why I am talking to you now.
What is people's reaction when they see you in the street?
Good question. I often try to avoid the streets because quite frankly some of you Earthlings like to stare. But during the campaign when I walked around in Maidenhead I was pleasantly surprised by how friendly all the local citizens were to me, whether young or old. There was one exception: the local Labour Party candidate was so scared that instead of talking to me he ran away to hide in the local hardware store, but you can't win them all.
How did the local debates go? Are the other candidates taking you seriously?
The local debates, or hustings as British Earthlings call them, were very illuminating. I was allowed to attend one with three other minor candidates and we agreed on many of the issues pressing upon the UK and the wider world. However, none of us were invited to another debate at which the Prime Minister and other major party candidates appeared. It's almost like they didn't have the guts to test their opinions against the intellectual superiority of a space lord.
Are you happy with the results of the General Election?
Well, that depends on the metric. In one sense you could say that my vote (0.43% of the total) was a mere pathetic pinprick on the tough, leathery hide of the monster that is the Conservative Party and its (current) leader, but that would be to only concentrate on the facts. For my 249 votes have given me a new Buckethead record, after my previous heroic efforts in Finchley against Margaret Thatcher in 1987 (when I won 131 votes) and in Huntingdon against John Major in 1992 (when I scored 107 votes). Compared to those elections, I am elated. Moreover, who was asked to appear on a primetime American TV show (Last Week Tonight with John Oliver) and to address a crowd of thousands at the Glastonbury Festival? Not Theresa May, but Buckethead!
What would be your first decision if you became Prime Minister? What's the first thing you would change at Downing Street?
My first decision would indeed be to change something about 10 Downing Street: I would change the door. It is clearly not big enough, and a space lord of my great height would be in danger of hitting his head every time he entered the building. I demand equal rights for space lords. I might also change the curtains. I like nice curtains.
What are your links to Lord Buckethead in 1987 and 1992?
I am Buckethead. We are Buckethead. We are legion.
Did you get to speak to Theresa May?
I did speak to Theresa May. I politely said "good evening, Prime Minister" and she politely replied "good evening" in return. It's important to be respectful towards one's political opponents, especially very high profile ones, and although she must have been awed by me she did well not to show it.
The Guardian named you Best Policy for bringing back Ceefax. How did you greet the news?
I was satisfied but not surprised. This has been the most warmly received of all my policies and I remain committed to its revival. I do not know if Ceefax or an equivalent service reached France but it involves electronic news and information being transmitted with rudimentary block graphics alongside television signals, allowing viewers a kind of primitive internet service, but what it lacks in speed it makes up in the twin facts that it is unhackable by Russians and it is often unaccompanied by a lovely soundtrack of lilting dinner jazz. What's not to like?
Do you feel up to negotiating Brexit?
I spoke strongly about Brexit during the campaign. I do not understand this Earthling impulse to separate from each other, whether it's Britain from the EU, Scotland from Britain or Edinburgh from Scotland (it's only a matter of time). Your planet is so small. You should be sticking together. I've seen the asteroid that's heading your way and you've got bigger things to worry about, believe me. As for the negotiations, I would be happy to step in. Do I think that I have stronger intellectual and diplomatic skills than David Davis and Michel Barnier? Yes I do, but then that is also true of a slightly mouldy pain au chocolat.
What is your future in politics?
That is squarely in the hands of the voters, both in the United Kingdom and across Hyperspace. By committing myself to democracy I hope to shine a light on the darkness and absurdity of modern politics, offering citizens of the world a fresh alternative with sound policies, sensible leadership and a beautiful singing voice.