After my triumphant appearance at the Glastonbury Festival, I was door-stepped by a journalist for The Guardian newspaper, and I gave the following exclusive interview...
(The original article is also available on the Guardian website here)
He stood for election in Maidenhead, Theresa May’s constituency, on a mandate of “strong, not entirely stable, leadership”, and received 249 votes.
But that wasn’t the first time Lord Buckethead had been propelled into the spotlight, with a namesake having stood against Margaret Thatcher as well as John Major in previous general elections.
Speaking to the Guardian at Glastonbury after introducing the Sleaford Mods on the Park stage, Lord Buckethead refused to comment on whether he was the same person who stood in those counts, but added: “I am Buckethead, he had a buckethead, we are legion.”
Live videos of the night of the election showed the prime minister subtly rolling her eyes at Buckethead after his name was announced, but he did not know about that until afterwards, he revealed.
“She was very polite to me on the evening. She said good evening back to me, she was careful to ask about the other candidates, I was actually quite impressed by her politeness. Then I see that she rolled her eyes and I thought this woman has another side to her. Sadly, we only saw one side to her in the election and that’s why she’s now up a certain creek without a paddle. In plain English, she’s buggered. She’s doomed.
“If she chose to be less polite with whoever advised her to hold the election I would support her 100%, because someone has given her very bad advice and she has torched her career and it’s very, very sad.”
Warming to his theme, Lord Buckethead added: “I saw her traipse into a Maidenhead leisure centre – and I would say this, she looked terrible, she looked as if the world was caving in on her shoulders. I just increased my vote share from 1992 to a Lord Buckethead record; she lost her majority. So who should be rolling their space eyes at whom?”
Buckethead appeared on John Oliver recently after the late-night host said he should be sent to Europe to negotiate Brexit.
“Could I negotiate Brexit better than Theresa May and David Davis? Yes,” he said of the suggestion. “Could a slightly mouldy pain au chocolat negotiate Brexit better than Theresa May and David Davis? Yes. So yes I could, but whether I should is another matter.”
Asked what advice he would give May and Davis for Brexit negotiations, he said: “Be sophisticated, the Europeans are a smart bunch. There was a photograph the other day of the negotiating team from Great Britain and the negotiating team from Europe and the team from Europe looked so much smarter, they looked smarter sartorially, intellectually, and they had women, which is something British diplomats seem to have forgotten.
“My solution would be: one, negotiate in an adult sensible way to create the best thing for Britain economically, not politically for the right wing of the Tory party, and two, I would urge earthlings to think twice because you’re all so small. One minute Britain wants to leave Europe, the next Scotland wants to leave Britain, the next Edinburgh will probably want to leave Scotland. It’s mad, I’ve seen the asteroid that’s coming to hit you all. If I were you I would stick together.”
Among policies put forward by Buckethead were plans to nationalise Adele. “She’s too good, too bloody good,” he said with enthusiasm, “and Ed Sheeran too, they are money-making machines, and I just think the Labour party, Jeremy Corbyn and John McDonnell, call themselves radical, but this is radical. She’s a great British asset, they’re worth far more than the rail network, bring them in, let’s use their worth to help the country grow.”
Buckethead congratulated Corbyn and McDonnell on doing as well as they did in the election: “It’s just that doing as well as they did was also losing by 60 seats. It’s like losing a football match 7-2 and saying we scored two bloody good goals,” he said.
He was inspired to enter the political fray because “it would be difficult not to get involved when you see the rank awfulness of all the competition, it’s like snooker player Steven Hendry thinking I’ll carry on because everyone is shit. It would be harder not to.
“There are so many ludicrous things said by politicians who claim to be serious,” he added. Probed on a contentious figure such as Boris Johnson, he said: “I think Boris Johnson is a posh, overblown, full-of-himself imbecile, who thinks just because he knows a little bit of classics he has some superiority over the rest of species, but I sayflocci non facio, Boris Johnson.”
Being at Glastonbury was a fantastic experience for Buckethead. “I think theSleaford Mods are a lovely gang, I had a chat with them beforehand, they said to me ‘Lord, do your stuff’ and I thought that’s the kind of guys I can relate to.
“I just hope the rain stays away for your sake and in particular for mine because on my planet space lords have no need to combat rain. If the storms come I am in deep trouble.”
To earthlings he had one simple message: “Peace and love and if anyone wants to buy a laser off me, send me an email.”