My name is Lord Buckethead. I am a space lord, and I stood to be the independent Member of Parliament for Maidenhead at the 2017 UK General Election. I secured 249 votes, which I am proud to say is a new Buckethead record. I enjoy planet-conquering, dominating inferior species, and Lovejoy.

I was the only candidate standing at this election who had personally stood against two Conservative Prime Ministers, Margaret Thatcher in Finchley (1987) and John Major in Huntingdon (1992). News reached me that your country has been crying out for effective opposition. And so, 25 years after my last visit I returned to take on Theresa May in Maidenhead and thus complete a historic hat-trick. If Mrs May could not find the courage for a TV debate, how can she possibly cope against a Space Lord?

My manifesto is an ambitious and progressive programme not only for the good Earthlings of a certain Berkshire conurbation but for the entirety of your nation. It is a suite of policies that have been fully costed and which marries fiscal responsibility with an interest in lasers. 

I call upon the fatally weakened Prime Minister Theresa May and that funny Islington chap with the beard to debate me in public. Failure to do so will be treated as cowardice and a tacit endorsement of my superiority.

You may contact me on Twitter @LordBuckethead or write to me at Lord@Buckethead4Maidenhead.com

More news will appear here on this site in due course so stay tuned, folks.

LB